Alan White was just a young boy when he was given up by his family for adoption. At the tender age of fourteen, he started exhibiting symptoms of mental illness, suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and depression. At school and at home he was always alone, feeling rejected by both his friends and family. In his solitude, he would get paranoid about things and would speak about weird thoughts which were always in his head, resulting in many severe black outs.

        Alan thought he could read people’s minds and that he could hear what they were thinking about him. Incidentally, he had many friends who had Schizophrenia. He found that it was easier for him to relate to them and thought it was a normal thing for everybody. Alan dropped out of high school at sixteen years of age. At the age of nineteen, he told a friend that he believed he was schizophrenic. His delusions and black outs started worsening. In his sleep, he feared people would come from the future and place a microchip in his brain. At the age of twenty-one, Alan had a massive black out that resulted in his hospitalization in Mississauga where he was eventually diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

       He used to regularly attend church but stopped because of his conflicting experience with God. He claimed that God gave him power to change the planet. At church, people would also talk about him all the time because of his condition. However, going to church instills in him the idea of redemption, and he believes in the existence of good and evil.

       Alan’s family deemed him intolerable and told him that they wanted nothing to do with him. He felt that it was because they were scared, having an inadequate understanding of his illness. Alan stated that there is no history of Schizophrenia in both his biological and adopted families. The only person that he still keeps in contact with is his dad whom he loves very much.

      It has taken him seven years to get the right medication for his condition. Alan is currently taking Risperidone. He tries his best to stay focused on what is currently going on around him. Growing up, he always wanted to be a musician. Even today he still does music, singing for fun. He currently works at the bottle depot and tries to keep himself busy. Alan refuses to give up on life, even if at times, it seems that life has given up on him.

      I asked him, “What message would you give to someone about Schizophrenia?” He said that people who have a mental illness do not necessarily do silly things all the time. All they require is for someone who has understanding to talk to them. He further stated that the stigma hurts badly.

      One day, a friend of his found out about his Schizophrenia. That so-called friend kicked him severely and started calling him a freak. Alan’s biggest concern is not his illness but rather, he is scared of the harm society might inflict on him because of it. As a result, he worries a lot. One time, he attempted suicide to finally end all the pain, anxiety and suffering he faces in dealing with his condition. His dad keeps on crying uncontrollably and he has an estranged relationship with the rest of his family. His sister flat-out told him that she wants nothing to do with him.

      I asked him what it is like to have the disease and what message he wants to give to people. With sadness in his eyes, Alan told me that it is very difficult to be afflicted with Schizophrenia. He has problems concentrating and making friends, among the other myriad problems. He further stated that he wants people not to shut the mentally ill out of their lives, but to treat them like any other person, with love and compassion. His own family was initially supportive but got scared and closed their doors to him.

      Alan has now moved on in his life without them, to his continued regret. Being asked how safe he feels, Alan replied that he believes the Schizophrenia Society has provided him with a safe haven. He feels that he belongs; that he is loved and cared for. At the Society, Alan has encountered people who are just like him, so he does not feel alone anymore. When people try to make fun of him, he still takes it seriously. All he can do is just walk away. At present, Alan believes the disease is treatable but not curable. Life does go on, and Alan still has hope in his heart that one day, society will come to respect, accept and understand people like him.